Day 51

So, Monday was 7 weeks post-op. I'm at the point where I'm only updating this blog weekly because there isn't a ton of change going on. However, there is still change. It's just slow.
So, here is my list of things that are still annoying me:

1. Skin- Shocking, right? Since that has been my main complaint since week 2. It is just so incredibly sensitive to everything, and it dries out so quickly. The good news here is that I can tell that it is getting better. The areas that were broken out are no longer technically broken out. Meaning it doesn't look like acne really anymore. There are just some red dots where acne had been, but it is clearly in the healing process. I'm trying to just be patient with that. I know from having acne when I was younger that when I had a bad breakout it took a while to fully heal even after I had gotten it under control. So, I'm trying to just pamper my skin every day to help with the healing. I've stopped using any kind of abrasive wash or acne medicine on my face because this seems to irritate things more than it helps. I was my face with baby moisturizing soap instead of regular soap or face wash. I bought a special facial moisturizer that has a tiny bit of acne medicine in it. I'm still using the prescription Dr. L originally gave me, because the cream the dermatologist gave me actually made things WAY worse. ( I woke up the day after I first used it, and my face had new break outs everywhere, was crazy oily, and insanely red. It took days to get that back under control.) However, I'm using smaller amounts of the prescription Dr. L gave me, because using a ton of it seemed to make things worse too. Everything I put on my skin I do in moderation now, because I learned the hard way that using too much medicine is just counter-productive. I'm hoping that very soon things with my skin will clear up. The steroids the dermatologist gave me seem to have helped a little, because over the past few days every time I wake up in the morning I can tell my skin has improved some. So, I'm crossing my fingers that I will look more like me and less like a 12 year old with acne soon :P

2. My lips STILL don't meet at rest. However, it is getting easier to force them together. I would say at this point it only takes as much effort as it did before surgery (My lips have never met at rest because my overbite was so bad that my lips just didn't naturally cover them). This is something that has seemed to be improving this week though. I can tell by looking in the mirror that I still need to heal some in this area though, because forcing my lips to meet looks a little weird. This isn't a huge annoyance and I've read other blogs enough to know how much time it can take to get your lips to finally touch at rest. So, I'm just waiting it out. The only reason it bugs me is because I can't smile with my lips closed, and sometimes I still have food fall out of my mouth when I'm eating just because my lips don't come together to keep food in, haha. I'm sure other people just think I'm rude for always eating with my mouth open these days.

3. Still not thrilled with my new look, but I think I'm getting closer. My face still looks kind of tight to me in pictures..so I'm thinking there is still a little swelling going on. However, I was in a wedding on Friday night and there are actually some pictures of myself that I like! I haven't taken a picture of myself that I liked in at least 6-8 months since the braces made my overjet so much worse. I still think I looked kind of weird because my face was all red and broken out from the cream the dermo. gave me, but overall there were some pictures where I thought, "Hm, I actually don't look half bad" :) I'm counting this as definite progress.

So, overall I don't have a lot to complain about. I'm definitely not focusing on surgery the way I was a few weeks ago. I can go to restaurants and eat almost anything I want (within reason). I don't feel embarrassed or self-conscious in public. I do still have the tiniest bit of a lisp hanging around, but I think I am the only one who notices and it will go completely away eventually when I regain feeling of the gums behind my front teeth. So, at 7 weeks post-op life is almost back to normal. I still think about jaw surgery every day, but it is no longer my main focus and I'm looking forward to the day when I can say I'm completely happy with the results. I'm sure it's just around the corner.

Here are some regular pictures from the wedding that I was in on Friday. That would have been day 46. Try to ignore how red my face is :P I'll post real before and after pictures when I get back to my Mom's.

Day 44

Finally saw a dermatologist today to try to figure out what is going on with my skin. My surgeon had said that it looked like rosacea, but luckily my dermatologist disagreed. Dr. B (dermatologist) said that he thinks it is probably an allergic reaction to something from surgery..like anything they used on my face when prepping me or some of the medicine they gave me after. He thinks it has hung around this long, because it keeps getting re-irritated..the allergic reaction added with the swelling, extra oil, and general stress of surgery caused my skin to be hyper-sensitive and the allergic reaction couldn't heal. All of that makes sense, so I'm really hoping he's right. Anyway, he gave me a steroid pack that I'm supposed to take for 6 days along with some topical steroid cream to put directly on the bad areas of my face. He said that if he's right it should clear up pretty quickly. So, I'm really praying he's right! I'm so sick of my face being broken out, red, and splotchy. Plus it itches and burns every time I go outside for any amount of time. Very annoying. So, here's hoping my dermatologist knows what he is talking about.

In other news I have my second orthodontist appointment tomorrow. I'm thinking he's going to do some actual adjusting tomorrow. So, I'm kind of worried that I'm going to be in pain tomorrow :/ No pain, no gain I guess.

I had a pretty weird experience today. I haven't been getting out a lot since surgery except for when I have to. For the most part I've only seen family and close friends, but today when I was waiting for the elevator to see my dermatologist I saw a girl I had several classes with in college. So, we saw each other several times a week for a few semesters. Anyway, I saw her and immediately waved and started talking to her. Only, after a minute I realized that she was looking at me weird as if she didn't know who I was. It took her a few minutes before finally she said, "Oh! It's you! You look like a completely different person!" Obviously, she didn't know I had jaw surgery. So, I explained it to her, but it was just so weird for me. She is the first person I have had react that way, and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I definitely didn't set out to look like a different person, and that isn't exactly a compliment. So, I really don't know how to take it. I'm sure this isn't going to be the last time I have an experience like this. I'm just wondering how to cope with it. I'm not in a place where I like the way I look. So it was just kind of jarring. I wish I knew other people who had gone through this, because no one around me really understands what it feels like. I think I'll feel better about these kinds of things once I feel more comfortable with the new look. Like everything else, it'll just take a while I guess.

Day 41: 6 Weeks

So, today is exactly 6 weeks post-op. That sounds crazy, but I guess time can't do anything but pass. Every day I'm able to eat a little more normally, although I'm still trying to be careful until I hit 8 weeks because that is what Dr. L wanted me to do. As far as chewing goes, I'm not having any problems. I don't think I could do anything chewy..but so far everything I've tried I've been able to eat fine. The only issue is that my range of motion is still limited. I can only open about as wide as one knuckle. I think this is slowly getting better, but I'm not pushing it. I know that my jaws are still healing so I'm not really worried about it right now.

Here are my big annoyances at this point (sorry all I do is complain on here, but this is the only place I can really vent, lol):

1. My face is still broken out with acne or rosacea or whatever this is. A few days ago my face got so irritated that it turned bright red as if I had a really bad sunburn. I looked like a clown :P I think this was a result of the medicine I've been putting on my face to try to get rid of the break outs. My skin got really itchy and irritated and then it started to peel. Very attractive. Thankfully, that only lasted a few days, and now my face is mostly back to its normal color. It is no longer peeling, and it doesn't feel as dry. However, it is STILL broken out. So, I scheduled an appointment with a dermatologist for Wednesday. I'm really hoping he gives me something more effective so I can finally get this stuff cleared up.

2. The area behind my front teeth that had been covered by the splint is still completely numb, and a little swollen. At least, I hope its still a little swollen, because I still have a lisp and I'm praying this is temporary. I'm trying not to get too worked up about it. I think my speech is getting better. I'm just terrified of ending up with a permanent lisp. I havent heard of this happening to anyone else. So, I'm hoping that I'm just worrying about nothing. I would think that my surgeon and orthodontist would have warned me that I could end up with a lisp. If it's still there by the time feeling comes back to this area then I'll get worried, but right now I'm really trying to not think about it.

3. I don't like my current face shape. There is one spot on the left side of my face right along my jaw line that sticks out like that one spot is still swollen. It looks really wierd. I'm hoping this is just residual swelling, and will even out soon. However, even without that I still feel like my face looks wierd. My smile looks off and my face just looks soo wide. I don't think I can really describe how I feel it looks, but it's not great :/ I know most people still feel wierd about their new look at this point so I'm just holding out for that happy place. I know 6 weeks is still too early to try to judge my "final" outcome.

Now, with all that said clearly my biggest issue is my lack of patience. All of these issues are (hopefully) temporary. So, I just have to wait it out. I'm trying to just focus on life and school and friends and put these things out of my head. It's just really hard when all I've been thinking about for the past 6 weeks is recovery progress. Sigh. Have I mentioned what a long process this is?

Anyway, I have an appointment with my orthodontist this week too. In fact, it's on Valentines Day..so Happy Valentines Day to me :) haha. I know it is probably going to be a painful adjustment, but I'm actually kind of looking forward to it because it means that progress is being made. I'm so ready to have the minor crookedness left over (and partially caused by) surgery to be fixed so I can get these things off my teeth :) I'll be at home for almost a week so while I'm there I'll take some pictures of both my face and my teeth to show how successful surgery was, because despite all my complaining surgery really was very successful. I really like the way my teeth look now. I'm just not sure about the rest yet, haha.

Day 36

I haven't been able to update much since the splint came out, because I was getting ready to head back to school/work. Back in December at the end of last semester I packed up a good portion of my apartment and belongings to take home with me to Alabama, because I knew I would be there for possibly 2 months. So, getting all that stuff back together took a significant amount of time. I was kind of dreading getting back to my regular life, because it still felt like I was spending a huge portion of every day just maintaining myself. My skin is still all crazy and awful looking and rash-y and in the morning I still wake up with noticeable (at least to me) swelling. I hadn't gotten used to getting out in public at all, let alone going back to work and classes every day of the week. Plus, my energy level still runs low really quickly. So, yeah, I was nervous. However, I am happy to report that I'm really glad I went ahead and came back. It's so nice to have other things to focus on besides jaw surgery. It's actually really nice being busy again. When I look in a mirror I still get really self-conscious because of it looking so broken out but I'm trying not to stress about it because it reality it is going to be broken out whether I hide at my house or I get out and start interacting with the world again. I'm also hoping that getting out and about will help me continue to get better faster. When I'm hiding at home I have the tendency to just bum around, which doesn't help anything at all. I just feel so much better being back and productive again.

Everyone here has been pretty nice about the surgery, although I didn't tell a ton of people here. I've only been in the graduate program here for one semester so I don't know many people. I only told a couple of friends from class, my professors, and my employer. No one has pointed out that I look different, although I have noticed people kind of double taking when they first see me. I think they just don't want to be rude by saying I look different, since I didn't warn anyone that there would be a change in my appearance. I have gotten several "you look good"'s though, and thats nice. I feels weird communicating with people who don't know about the surgery though. I still look and sound funny when I talk, because my lips don't meet without me forcing them and my lips look weird trying to come together to form words. I also still have a little bit of a lisp on some words because the swelling from where the splint was hasn't fully gone down/healed yet. I'm sure I notice it more than anyone else though.

It's crazy that it has been 5 weeks since surgery already. Actually, now I'm getting closer to 6 weeks. Crazy! I really expected to be doing better by this point, but I think I just didn't realize how big of a deal this surgery was going to be. I honestly thought that the minute the splint came off I could go back to talking and eating exactly how I used to. My advice for anyone about to go through this: just realize that you are going to go through a very long very tedious recovery. It is a VERY gradual process. It will takes months for me to get back to eating like I used to. I basically have to re-learn how to eat with my new mouth. Biting is particularly difficult, because my top teeth can't really feel anything, and this is the first time in my life that my teeth are actually able to truly bite. Since, I have spent most of my life compensating for my open/over bite while trying to bite into things it's hard for me to try to bite normally now. Of course, I can't practice it much yet, because most things that require biting won't fit in my mouth (it will only open about as wide as my index finger) or I'm not allowed to have it because it's not soft, and I'm still on soft food for another 2.5 weeks for sure.

Sigh. SO yes. It is a very long process..but the good news is that I can tell that it's getting better. Every day I feel a little more human. So, I'm on my way. I'm still not at a point where I'm happy with the results, but I'm hoping my skin clearing up (because I believe it will soon..I hope) will help that along with the swelling completely going away (which will also happen soon..I hope). I am getting there. It will just take time I'm sure. Everyone seems to think they look freaky at this point in the process. I'm just excited to be completely past this. I keep telling myself that when this semester is over it'll be summer, and I can relax..chill out..eat whatever I want..and...GET MY BRACES OFF! :) That should happen around 6 months after surgery..which is when they say everything is healed and your face has stopped changing so it is the face you will have for life :P So, I'm withholding judgement until I get my braces off.