Day 36

I haven't been able to update much since the splint came out, because I was getting ready to head back to school/work. Back in December at the end of last semester I packed up a good portion of my apartment and belongings to take home with me to Alabama, because I knew I would be there for possibly 2 months. So, getting all that stuff back together took a significant amount of time. I was kind of dreading getting back to my regular life, because it still felt like I was spending a huge portion of every day just maintaining myself. My skin is still all crazy and awful looking and rash-y and in the morning I still wake up with noticeable (at least to me) swelling. I hadn't gotten used to getting out in public at all, let alone going back to work and classes every day of the week. Plus, my energy level still runs low really quickly. So, yeah, I was nervous. However, I am happy to report that I'm really glad I went ahead and came back. It's so nice to have other things to focus on besides jaw surgery. It's actually really nice being busy again. When I look in a mirror I still get really self-conscious because of it looking so broken out but I'm trying not to stress about it because it reality it is going to be broken out whether I hide at my house or I get out and start interacting with the world again. I'm also hoping that getting out and about will help me continue to get better faster. When I'm hiding at home I have the tendency to just bum around, which doesn't help anything at all. I just feel so much better being back and productive again.

Everyone here has been pretty nice about the surgery, although I didn't tell a ton of people here. I've only been in the graduate program here for one semester so I don't know many people. I only told a couple of friends from class, my professors, and my employer. No one has pointed out that I look different, although I have noticed people kind of double taking when they first see me. I think they just don't want to be rude by saying I look different, since I didn't warn anyone that there would be a change in my appearance. I have gotten several "you look good"'s though, and thats nice. I feels weird communicating with people who don't know about the surgery though. I still look and sound funny when I talk, because my lips don't meet without me forcing them and my lips look weird trying to come together to form words. I also still have a little bit of a lisp on some words because the swelling from where the splint was hasn't fully gone down/healed yet. I'm sure I notice it more than anyone else though.

It's crazy that it has been 5 weeks since surgery already. Actually, now I'm getting closer to 6 weeks. Crazy! I really expected to be doing better by this point, but I think I just didn't realize how big of a deal this surgery was going to be. I honestly thought that the minute the splint came off I could go back to talking and eating exactly how I used to. My advice for anyone about to go through this: just realize that you are going to go through a very long very tedious recovery. It is a VERY gradual process. It will takes months for me to get back to eating like I used to. I basically have to re-learn how to eat with my new mouth. Biting is particularly difficult, because my top teeth can't really feel anything, and this is the first time in my life that my teeth are actually able to truly bite. Since, I have spent most of my life compensating for my open/over bite while trying to bite into things it's hard for me to try to bite normally now. Of course, I can't practice it much yet, because most things that require biting won't fit in my mouth (it will only open about as wide as my index finger) or I'm not allowed to have it because it's not soft, and I'm still on soft food for another 2.5 weeks for sure.

Sigh. SO yes. It is a very long process..but the good news is that I can tell that it's getting better. Every day I feel a little more human. So, I'm on my way. I'm still not at a point where I'm happy with the results, but I'm hoping my skin clearing up (because I believe it will soon..I hope) will help that along with the swelling completely going away (which will also happen soon..I hope). I am getting there. It will just take time I'm sure. Everyone seems to think they look freaky at this point in the process. I'm just excited to be completely past this. I keep telling myself that when this semester is over it'll be summer, and I can relax..chill out..eat whatever I want..and...GET MY BRACES OFF! :) That should happen around 6 months after surgery..which is when they say everything is healed and your face has stopped changing so it is the face you will have for life :P So, I'm withholding judgement until I get my braces off.